Thursday, January 21, 2010
The first call
Today my sister got married.As usual my pappa and mummy are very happy,me too.After 2 days i chat with her.I know she loves me.Otherwise this late night why she will chat with me ?.During the chatting she told me she want to talk with me.Yes in this late night i made my first call.I don't know what should i speak with her.Finally i made the call.I heard her voice first time.She afraid or didn't expect my call.She told hello and a long silence.I cut the phone.Me also afraid.I got a message from her.First message in phone.I can't sleep today.we didn't spoke today but the coming days are only for us.........I wake up and open the window, moon seems to be more beautiful.........
Monday, January 18, 2010
A thought
I don't know why people spending too much money in their marriage.We also spending enough for this marriage.But i will give food for orphan children.I can't forget them.When ever i saw the orphans i hate god.he is blind or deaf i am sure.may be he was dead.ha ha ha......may be i am mad?.I am not a true believer.when ever i prayed i have a doubt to whom should i pray,Hindu god,Muslim god or Christian god.I studied in Christian school and college.Most of my friends are Hindu's.i didn't found any difference between me and them.Still i didn't get any answer for my questions.I am searching for that."I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit".
i believe in Khalil Gibran's this philosophy.
I feel pity on that person who pretend that he living for others like parents,sisters.If you can't live for your self how you can live for others ?.If you are not happy how you can make others happy?.They will wear a mask and cheat them self and other also.
What is happy ?.Money,power,beauty,love......etc can make people happy?.I don't know.I can't make any one happy because i don't know what it is.If you laugh for a while that means you are happy?.If your boss appreciate for your work that make you happy ?.Next moment he will forget this for a small mistake he will kick your ass.Even you can't make your parents happy.In this world no one is happy and no one can be.People ask me why your not happy? why you are not laughing ?.No answer......
There was a king who want to be happy always.But he can't.He call his ministers and others and asked them that he want to be happy always.Among them a wise man told the king that if you wear the shirt of a happy man you can be happy always.He send his people all over the country.They searched all over the kingdom at last they found a person who was laughing and singing.They took him to the king.King also believed that he is the happiest person.But there was problem he don't have the shirt.
ha ha ha......happy.......
Every one have 2-3 masks.Depends on the situation they will wear that.Most common masks are I know everything,I am the great ,it is called Egoistic mask.Girls have innocent type of mask and tears mask.They will do all things and they wear innocent mask.Tears mask is the most useful thing .Lots of masks different shape,different colors.I am trying to destroy my masks.I burnt some of them but still remains.I want to burn that also.One day with out any mask i want to live......just one day........may be that day i know what is happy and i l will laugh loudly......
Feb 09
i believe in Khalil Gibran's this philosophy.
I feel pity on that person who pretend that he living for others like parents,sisters.If you can't live for your self how you can live for others ?.If you are not happy how you can make others happy?.They will wear a mask and cheat them self and other also.
What is happy ?.Money,power,beauty,love......etc can make people happy?.I don't know.I can't make any one happy because i don't know what it is.If you laugh for a while that means you are happy?.If your boss appreciate for your work that make you happy ?.Next moment he will forget this for a small mistake he will kick your ass.Even you can't make your parents happy.In this world no one is happy and no one can be.People ask me why your not happy? why you are not laughing ?.No answer......
There was a king who want to be happy always.But he can't.He call his ministers and others and asked them that he want to be happy always.Among them a wise man told the king that if you wear the shirt of a happy man you can be happy always.He send his people all over the country.They searched all over the kingdom at last they found a person who was laughing and singing.They took him to the king.King also believed that he is the happiest person.But there was problem he don't have the shirt.
ha ha ha......happy.......
Every one have 2-3 masks.Depends on the situation they will wear that.Most common masks are I know everything,I am the great ,it is called Egoistic mask.Girls have innocent type of mask and tears mask.They will do all things and they wear innocent mask.Tears mask is the most useful thing .Lots of masks different shape,different colors.I am trying to destroy my masks.I burnt some of them but still remains.I want to burn that also.One day with out any mask i want to live......just one day........may be that day i know what is happy and i l will laugh loudly......
Feb 09
Friday, January 15, 2010
A Demand
She started to ask me to call her.Photo is not enough for her.she want to talk to me.I am buzy in this days.shall i call her ?.I don't know.wait.....
Jan 09
Jan 09
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Here I love You....
Here I love you.
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.
The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.
Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.
Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.
The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.
The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.
PABLO NERUDA
Jan 09
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other.
The snow unfurls in dancing figures.
A silver gull slips down from the west.
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.
Oh the black cross of a ship.
Alone.
Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet.
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.
This is a port.
Here I love you.
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.
I love you still among these cold things.
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels
that cross the sea towards no arrival.
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors.
The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there.
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.
I love what I do not have. You are so far.
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.
But night comes and starts to sing to me.
The moon turns its clockwork dream.
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.
And as I love you, the pines in the wind
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire.
PABLO NERUDA
Jan 09
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
buzy days
I am quite buzy now a days.Inviting ,purchasing, make arrangements for the marriage.Inviting its a big job.After that internet problem today only i got the connection.she send some scrap saying that it is not fair after accepting love where you gone?.from morning 8 to 10 night just inviting people.night 10 to 12 chatting.still i didn't call her.i exgareted some facts and told her like i have too much loan,i am not educated.....etc.i want to know her reaction but she told me this all are doesn't matter.I told all truth about me about my allergy also.I am always straight forward i want others also be like that.After this marriage only i can rest.
jan 09
jan 09
Friday, January 8, 2010
Birthday Gift
(For him today is her birth day.we just put one card.when ever he go for purchasing he took a small teddy bear for her.Read this...)
i will never wish you birthday.my wishes is like poison to you.I will never forget that day.I can make you happy.i know my death will make you happy than any wishes or gift.You just enjoy your life.before your birthday i will go from this world.
After my death i will become air.I am always with you.you will breath me.i will talk to you in lonely night.i will sing for you.i will kiss your lips.you can't avoid me.i am the invisible,no shape,only you can feel me.just close your eyes take a deep breath you can feel me.I love you.i don't know why i love you.but i know only one thing i love you,for ever.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Most beautiful words
yesterday night i chat with her after 2 days gap.She think that i left the orkut.yesterday we talked for a while.i am accessing net through my sisters mobile.Its going to finish today or tomorrow.today morning she was online.we started chatting.Her mood is not good,mine also.earlymorning a person came
to home he bring a marriage proposal for me.I just escaped from that.I told her about that.She told me you will get good girl.it is the right time.....etc.i think that made her mood off.Today also she talked about her friend.i said some thing.i got angry.i want to go out side so i told her i will be back.
After 3 years i am driving the car here.it is total different experience.Driving side is different from gulf also single track.yes i had an accident.minor.left head light broken and left door got jam.
I came back and check the scrap.she left the her phone number and told me call her when i am online.i will never call an unknown girl i am not that type.She came online in evening.she told me you are good guy.i ask her why.she told me you are a very good guy.again i ask her why.the answer was quite shocking.she told me because "I love you".I told her you send me a wrong messageshe ask me what was that message.i send this message.she told me it is for you.
she asked me did i feel same to her.If it is wrong please don't break friendship with her.she is not a bad girl.I can feel..she was crying.how can i ignore her love.In my life first time one girl started to love me.i am confused.i send a letter yes i love you.I also want to tell you.but i dont want to break your friendship.She
told me thank you.i told her all about me.She told me everything is ok.
My internet is disconnected...for reconnecting it will take 2 days.I was in a different world.Some sort of pleasure.i can't write what i am feeling.
something special.Yes i am in love....
Jan 25,09
Today i got an email.It is in bold letters.yes its from her.She saying i spoiled her life.i made her life in hell.her husband never accept her.She asking me i am happy now ? She ask me to die.I don't know why.And who told her bold letters is used for express anger.i don't know.What is the reason for this mail.i don't know.Now a days i have good time.My asthama is attacking it is striking back after 3 years.
With out my permission you started to love me
With out my permission you started to hate me
I spoiled her life.ha ha ha.......what she done with me ?she ask me to die.I already dead.Happiness....she left me here in search of her happiness....
Now a days people look at me with sympathy.My parents and friends never leave me alone.Not allowing to drive.Each and every minutes they calling me.i can see the fear in their eyes.They think that i will do some thing wrong.Dear i cant ask you to die.I cant ask anybody to die.If they do like that how i can live with that guilty conscience.i like Paulo Cohelo's this words "Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both."
She told me she love her husband.What a joke ?.Few days before i was her everything.She kissed me,huged me.Ha ha ha.Now she want to be Sathi, savathri.Did Sathi or Savithri had love before ? Did they cheated some one ?.No they just love their husband only.If she dont want to go against their parents why she came to my life?how many times i told her.I am the luckiest person because normally when people die every one feel bad even their enemies but in my case there are few people will be happy.i will make them happy.
My life,my career,my job.................ha ha ha everything .......I am a loser , a mad lover......ha ha ha.....
Dec 09
(This is the letter.This letter took his life.Keep reading..... )
to home he bring a marriage proposal for me.I just escaped from that.I told her about that.She told me you will get good girl.it is the right time.....etc.i think that made her mood off.Today also she talked about her friend.i said some thing.i got angry.i want to go out side so i told her i will be back.
After 3 years i am driving the car here.it is total different experience.Driving side is different from gulf also single track.yes i had an accident.minor.left head light broken and left door got jam.
I came back and check the scrap.she left the her phone number and told me call her when i am online.i will never call an unknown girl i am not that type.She came online in evening.she told me you are good guy.i ask her why.she told me you are a very good guy.again i ask her why.the answer was quite shocking.she told me because "I love you".I told her you send me a wrong messageshe ask me what was that message.i send this message.she told me it is for you.
she asked me did i feel same to her.If it is wrong please don't break friendship with her.she is not a bad girl.I can feel..she was crying.how can i ignore her love.In my life first time one girl started to love me.i am confused.i send a letter yes i love you.I also want to tell you.but i dont want to break your friendship.She
told me thank you.i told her all about me.She told me everything is ok.
My internet is disconnected...for reconnecting it will take 2 days.I was in a different world.Some sort of pleasure.i can't write what i am feeling.
something special.Yes i am in love....
Jan 25,09
Today i got an email.It is in bold letters.yes its from her.She saying i spoiled her life.i made her life in hell.her husband never accept her.She asking me i am happy now ? She ask me to die.I don't know why.And who told her bold letters is used for express anger.i don't know.What is the reason for this mail.i don't know.Now a days i have good time.My asthama is attacking it is striking back after 3 years.
With out my permission you started to love me
With out my permission you started to hate me
I spoiled her life.ha ha ha.......what she done with me ?she ask me to die.I already dead.Happiness....she left me here in search of her happiness....
Now a days people look at me with sympathy.My parents and friends never leave me alone.Not allowing to drive.Each and every minutes they calling me.i can see the fear in their eyes.They think that i will do some thing wrong.Dear i cant ask you to die.I cant ask anybody to die.If they do like that how i can live with that guilty conscience.i like Paulo Cohelo's this words "Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both."
She told me she love her husband.What a joke ?.Few days before i was her everything.She kissed me,huged me.Ha ha ha.Now she want to be Sathi, savathri.Did Sathi or Savithri had love before ? Did they cheated some one ?.No they just love their husband only.If she dont want to go against their parents why she came to my life?how many times i told her.I am the luckiest person because normally when people die every one feel bad even their enemies but in my case there are few people will be happy.i will make them happy.
My life,my career,my job.................ha ha ha everything .......I am a loser , a mad lover......ha ha ha.....
Dec 09
(This is the letter.This letter took his life.Keep reading..... )
spoild my life..happy nw?? made my life into a hell.. kya mila tujhe i thought u r my frnd...bt i ws wrong..... u r evn worse dan an enemy.. i regret y i did frndship wid u. jst get lost 4rm dis wrld.
i love my husband n wil love him 4ever..whether he accept me or nt.. i knw he wont.accept me nw... congratulations...u r successful in ur mission.die happily nw....my life's over.well done.
bt remember 1 thing...u might b happy.....bt i wont let u b.....
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Welcome back
After 3 years i am here in my land,my village.What i am feeling? Something special.My new home.The trees,birds,rivers,friends,flowers,wind....hoooh.
Now i realize what i missed.Each and every moment in that desert i missed myself.I am spoiling my life for money.Or what else i can do?.
Is night this much beautiful ?.I remember my childhood.In every night my grand mother ,she tells us stories about moon,heroes,war......etc.I used to lay in her lap and listen the stories some time i feels moon also want to listen the stories and he come closer to us.She passed away 2 years before.Today i went to that place where she was buried.Two drops of tears with prayer ,
what else i can give to her?.
Memories.........Only the memories will last.I want that memories to keep closer to my heart.Its my own....my own....
Jan 09
Now i realize what i missed.Each and every moment in that desert i missed myself.I am spoiling my life for money.Or what else i can do?.
Is night this much beautiful ?.I remember my childhood.In every night my grand mother ,she tells us stories about moon,heroes,war......etc.I used to lay in her lap and listen the stories some time i feels moon also want to listen the stories and he come closer to us.She passed away 2 years before.Today i went to that place where she was buried.Two drops of tears with prayer ,
what else i can give to her?.
Memories.........Only the memories will last.I want that memories to keep closer to my heart.Its my own....my own....
Jan 09
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
chatting.....
Chatting....chatting.Now a days i am waiting for her.Most of the time she speaking about him.She always care about her friend.she told me he spoiling his life.She talked to other girl.But no chance.....etc.We just chatting and chatting.I told her i am coming to India for my sisters marriage.After few days i am going to india after long 3 years.Yes after long 3 years......
Jan 09
Jan 09
Monday, January 4, 2010
A change
She told me that she want to become a doctor that is her dream.She was a short tempered girl.She likes chocolates.I told her don't talk to strangers,even don't spoke to me.she told me"how rude you are?".
Talking and talking.........
My days are become more brighter than ever.I am feeling some sort of joy.Eagerly waiting for her replies.What happens to me.Feeling a change. i am in love ? No...... never......ha ha ha...
Jan 09
Talking and talking.........
My days are become more brighter than ever.I am feeling some sort of joy.Eagerly waiting for her replies.What happens to me.Feeling a change. i am in love ? No...... never......ha ha ha...
Jan 09
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The poet
There was poet
And a girl, she promised to live with him
In that valley poems flowered
She danced in that flowers ,and in his dream
One day she left him
Marriage celebrated in the valley
Valley colored in to red.....
He was not ready to be defeated
He stands like an undefeated king
On a piece of rope ,forever....
Nov 09
And a girl, she promised to live with him
In that valley poems flowered
She danced in that flowers ,and in his dream
One day she left him
Marriage celebrated in the valley
Valley colored in to red.....
He was not ready to be defeated
He stands like an undefeated king
On a piece of rope ,forever....
Nov 09
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Bewafa the cheat.....
chatting.....chatting..............it is first time chatting with an unknown girl.I don't know any thing......
she had exams in this days.so she comes for a while.she told me she hates bewafa.One girl cheated her friend and he is not ok now.Because of tha t he drinks too much and trying to commit suicide that makes her mood off......I give her some examples,some philosophy.i don't know it is effective or not.Waiting for next day..........(continues)
Jan 09
(He written here )
I remember she called the other girl bewafa,cheat.Today she is bewafa.she is a cheat.she can understand her friends pain.why she can't under stand my pain ?
May be i am not her own ?I cant breath properly.I cant sleep.How she can be happy?Ohh god.....i cant live with out her...........
(His tears made this page wet and some color changes)
Nov 09
she had exams in this days.so she comes for a while.she told me she hates bewafa.One girl cheated her friend and he is not ok now.Because of tha t he drinks too much and trying to commit suicide that makes her mood off......I give her some examples,some philosophy.i don't know it is effective or not.Waiting for next day..........(continues)
Jan 09
(He written here )
I remember she called the other girl bewafa,cheat.Today she is bewafa.she is a cheat.she can understand her friends pain.why she can't under stand my pain ?
May be i am not her own ?I cant breath properly.I cant sleep.How she can be happy?Ohh god.....i cant live with out her...........
(His tears made this page wet and some color changes)
Nov 09
Friday, January 1, 2010
First message
Today in orkut i have a new scrap."I am ....,...,himachal ".Yes i remember 2 days before i send a friend request.she accepted that .I replied........(continues...)
11 Jan 09
11 Jan 09
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